We’re potty training at the Hansen House (that’s PT, when we don’t want the kid to catch on to the conversation) and Mommy might die .

Seriously, it’s brutal over here.

My pals are begging me not to tell any more PT stories.

We’ve rolled up the carpets, put trashbags around all the couch cushions and covered the whole thing with towels so neither us or the errant stream of pee rolls off into the floor.

Every day, bags of wet steamy clothes come home from school.

Baby Girl’s shoes are being cleaned and laundered daily.

(For those of you that have never done that, the “joy” happens when they stare at the newspaper and pee on your carpet. Then they look up at you, all cute and proud, and wag their tail. And you have to praise them for having their front feet on the paper.)

Toddler toilet training is worse. (Oh, go ahead and laugh if you want. I won’t hold it against you.)

We went to the pediatrician on Saturday for an eye thing and it went like this:

8:37 am - Entered Exam Room 8 (two doors down from the bathroom, which we’d already visited from the lobby)

8:38 am - “Mommy! Potty!”

*We went to the bathroom, cried, sat down, cried, produced nothing, cried, washed hands*

[Returned to Exam Room 8]

8:41 am - “Mommy! Potty!”

*Repeat of prior visit, only this time we cried during the handwashing too*

[Returned to Exam Room 8]

8:45 am, 8:49 am and 8:52 am - we did the same routine.

8:56 am – She said, “Mommy! Potty!” and peed her pants (and the floor of Exam Room 8).

Right about the time I got her cleaned up, the pediatrician came in, looked at my face and asked, “So, what is our problem today?”

I pointed at Baby Girl and said, “Her problem is she woke up with an eye thing. My problem is toilet training. We’re not even through one week and I’m dying.”

I told her my story (worrying that I was warping my child’s view of potty training forever) and this Goddess-In-A-Lab-Coat said: “You need to buy ‘special princess panties.’”

“We’ve got Dora and Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck panties already–”

She interrupted me with a hand on my arm, looked at Babykins and said, “I’m talking about the kind you buy in the store next to the d-i-a-p-e-r-s.”

I stared at her with naked hope in my eyes. “Even though the school says it’s only panties all the time?”

“Can you stand a whole weekend of worrying?”

“No. No, I can’t. We’re going to two friends’ houses this weekend and I’ve been freaking out that I’d have to take trashbags for their  couch.”

“When you pick up your eye drops at the pharmacy, detour through the aisle with the ‘Special Princess Panties.’ Never call them anything except that and use them as much as you need to. During the week, the school is in charge.”

And so we have. I feel like a PT failure but I’m much more calm.

I’m sure y’all have advice and ideas, along with plenty of great toddler and pet training stories. Lay ‘em on me. Enquiring minds LOVE to know your stories here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

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Looking at the posts on the Writers In The Storm Blog and reading the bios of the contributors I was reminded of one of my favorite things to say about what I do: “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, review.”

I know, not very original, which is at least part of the reason why I’m not an author.

Assuming this blog’s readers are as accomplished and varied as the contributors, what could I have to say of value? I was told that I’m the first reviewer to guest post here, which means the range of subjects should be wide open, right? The request even included a few ideas. Rather than say a lot about one thing, I decided to say a little on two subjects, the world of book reviewing in general and how to increase your chances of getting your book reviewed.

Today’s book blogger isn’t yesterday’s book reviewer

No matter how your book gets published, unless your last name is Patterson, Roberts, or Grisham, a review of your book in a big daily newspaper or somewhere like People magazine is becoming harder to come by as book review sections are shrinking and even being dropped. However, thousands of people, just like me, are filling the gap. Some differences are obvious (I’m not aware of any book review blog with the readership of the New York Times). Some might not be.

The biggest difference I see is that we aren’t normally professionals. I don’t mean our blogs aren’t run in a professional way (I think most try) or that we make just a trivial amount of money for our efforts (although that is reality for most). But the typical newspaper or magazine review was written by a fellow author or at least someone who was a professional writer. Today’s book blogger, while sometimes an author or a wannabe, is more likely to be an avid reader who can manage to string enough words together to write a review.

What that means is that he or she is more likely to approach the review as a reader, not an author. The concerns of one are not necessarily going to be the same as the other. Issues of technique, symbolism, and deeper meaning may take a back seat to the important questions of “did I like these characters?” and “was I entertained.” Look at any of the bestselling authors that many of your peers look down their nose at – Stephanie Meyers, James Patterson, and Dan Brown all come to mind as possibilities – and look at the number of books they’ve sold. They may not appeal to authors, but they do to many readers.

Think of it as amplified word of mouth

While a review from a newspaper or magazine has a large potential audience, a majority of that audience isn’t a likely reader of your book. In fact, a lot of that audience rarely reads books at all. A review from a book blogger has a smaller audience, but that audience is always going to consist of readers. The more specialized the blog, the more likely those readers will be your target audience.

I like to view a book blog as more like word of mouth, only amplified. And word of mouth is one of the best ways for readers to become aware of your book. One recent example of what readers talking to each other can do for a book is Hugh Howey’s Wool that hit the top of the bestseller lists fueled almost exclusively by word of mouth.

It’s a numbers game

Getting a review from any particular book blog isn’t going to make or break your marketing efforts. Few book blogs are going to give your book the boost that a review from The New York Times Review of Books or Publisher’s Weekly would do. Getting reviews from book blogs is a numbers game. No individual can possibly review all the books that are queried or submitted. But the more bloggers you approach, the more reviews you’ll get to help build word of mouth.

Do your homework

However, I have some hints to help you tip the scales in your favor and increase the chances of getting reviewed by any particular blog. These hints fall into two categories, do your homework and follow the recipe.

Homework involves doing some minimal research on the blogs you approach. Do they have a specialty and, if so, how well does your book fit? Even if the blog says it reviews all genres, if they’ve never reviewed erotica or Christian Fiction, your book probably isn’t going to be their first.

There are tens of thousands of book blogs to choose from. One way to quickly find those most likely to be a good fit is to find a directory of blogs in your genre or other niche. Google “YA Book blog directory” and you’ll find this directory (http://yabookblogdirectory.blogspot.com/) of over 1,300 blogs that specialize in reviewing Young Adult books. Doing the same search on “indie book blog list” you’ll find The IndieView  http://www.theindieview.com/  (a site I happen to run) that has a database of several hundred book blogs that are open to reviewing “indie books” (those that are self-published or published by small presses) with details on genre preferences and links to the site. Any search with your genre, “book blog” and a word like directory, list, or database as search terms will uncover multiple lists.

Just like baking a cake

Once you’ve found a good candidate, a blog that seems to like and review books such as yours, the single biggest thing you can do to increase your odds of getting a review from that blog is, just like baking a cake, follow the recipe or instructions on their submission or contact page. If the instructions say to query first with specific information, don’t send them an electronic copy of your book or neglect to give the information requested. If the blog’s submission instructions indicate to send an electronic copy of your book in a specific format, don’t query first or send an electronic version in a different format. Either of these are likely to result in your request being deleted or filed in the “don’t bother” folder

Now Build that Word of Mouth

Although it may seem too simple, by doing your homework to identify those book blogs that are a good fit before approaching them and following directions, you’ll put yourself ahead of a large percentage of your peers. Now it’s time to go give word of mouth a jump start. Good luck.

About BigAl

An avid reader for just shy of half a century, BigAl (who claims not to have a last name) spends the majority of his waking hours sitting at the computer. After working his day job (in front of the computer) his evenings are spent scheduling posts for The IndieView and thinking how happy he is to have never had the urge to become a writer. Then he’ll write reviews for his book review site, BigAl’s Books and Pals http://booksandpals.blogspot.com//, or work on his next post for Indies Unlimited http://www.indiesunlimited.com/ (a website for the indie author and those who read them). Those times BigAl manages to escape the computer are usually spent hanging out with his four grandchildren.

About these ads

Looking at the posts on the Writers In The Storm Blog and reading the bios of the contributors I was reminded of one of my favorite things to say about what I do: “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, review.”

I know, not very original, which is at least part of the reason why I’m not an author.

Assuming this blog’s readers are as accomplished and varied as the contributors, what could I have to say of value? I was told that I’m the first reviewer to guest post here, which means the range of subjects should be wide open, right? The request even included a few ideas. Rather than say a lot about one thing, I decided to say a little on two subjects, the world of book reviewing in general and how to increase your chances of getting your book reviewed.

Today’s book blogger isn’t yesterday’s book reviewer

No matter how your book gets published, unless your last name is Patterson, Roberts, or Grisham, a review of your book in a big daily newspaper or somewhere like People magazine is becoming harder to come by as book review sections are shrinking and even being dropped. However, thousands of people, just like me, are filling the gap. Some differences are obvious (I’m not aware of any book review blog with the readership of the New York Times). Some might not be.

The biggest difference I see is that we aren’t normally professionals. I don’t mean our blogs aren’t run in a professional way (I think most try) or that we make just a trivial amount of money for our efforts (although that is reality for most). But the typical newspaper or magazine review was written by a fellow author or at least someone who was a professional writer. Today’s book blogger, while sometimes an author or a wannabe, is more likely to be an avid reader who can manage to string enough words together to write a review.

What that means is that he or she is more likely to approach the review as a reader, not an author. The concerns of one are not necessarily going to be the same as the other. Issues of technique, symbolism, and deeper meaning may take a back seat to the important questions of “did I like these characters?” and “was I entertained.” Look at any of the bestselling authors that many of your peers look down their nose at – Stephanie Meyers, James Patterson, and Dan Brown all come to mind as possibilities – and look at the number of books they’ve sold. They may not appeal to authors, but they do to many readers.

Think of it as amplified word of mouth

While a review from a newspaper or magazine has a large potential audience, a majority of that audience isn’t a likely reader of your book. In fact, a lot of that audience rarely reads books at all. A review from a book blogger has a smaller audience, but that audience is always going to consist of readers. The more specialized the blog, the more likely those readers will be your target audience.

I like to view a book blog as more like word of mouth, only amplified. And word of mouth is one of the best ways for readers to become aware of your book. One recent example of what readers talking to each other can do for a book is Hugh Howey’s Wool that hit the top of the bestseller lists fueled almost exclusively by word of mouth.

It’s a numbers game

Getting a review from any particular book blog isn’t going to make or break your marketing efforts. Few book blogs are going to give your book the boost that a review from The New York Times Review of Books or Publisher’s Weekly would do. Getting reviews from book blogs is a numbers game. No individual can possibly review all the books that are queried or submitted. But the more bloggers you approach, the more reviews you’ll get to help build word of mouth.

Do your homework

However, I have some hints to help you tip the scales in your favor and increase the chances of getting reviewed by any particular blog. These hints fall into two categories, do your homework and follow the recipe.

Homework involves doing some minimal research on the blogs you approach. Do they have a specialty and, if so, how well does your book fit? Even if the blog says it reviews all genres, if they’ve never reviewed erotica or Christian Fiction, your book probably isn’t going to be their first.

There are tens of thousands of book blogs to choose from. One way to quickly find those most likely to be a good fit is to find a directory of blogs in your genre or other niche. Google “YA Book blog directory” and you’ll find this directory (http://yabookblogdirectory.blogspot.com/) of over 1,300 blogs that specialize in reviewing Young Adult books. Doing the same search on “indie book blog list” you’ll find The IndieView  http://www.theindieview.com/  (a site I happen to run) that has a database of several hundred book blogs that are open to reviewing “indie books” (those that are self-published or published by small presses) with details on genre preferences and links to the site. Any search with your genre, “book blog” and a word like directory, list, or database as search terms will uncover multiple lists.

Just like baking a cake

Once you’ve found a good candidate, a blog that seems to like and review books such as yours, the single biggest thing you can do to increase your odds of getting a review from that blog is, just like baking a cake, follow the recipe or instructions on their submission or contact page. If the instructions say to query first with specific information, don’t send them an electronic copy of your book or neglect to give the information requested. If the blog’s submission instructions indicate to send an electronic copy of your book in a specific format, don’t query first or send an electronic version in a different format. Either of these are likely to result in your request being deleted or filed in the “don’t bother” folder

Now Build that Word of Mouth

Although it may seem too simple, by doing your homework to identify those book blogs that are a good fit before approaching them and following directions, you’ll put yourself ahead of a large percentage of your peers. Now it’s time to go give word of mouth a jump start. Good luck.

About BigAl

An avid reader for just shy of half a century, BigAl (who claims not to have a last name) spends the majority of his waking hours sitting at the computer. After working his day job (in front of the computer) his evenings are spent scheduling posts for The IndieView and thinking how happy he is to have never had the urge to become a writer. Then he’ll write reviews for his book review site, BigAl’s Books and Pals http://booksandpals.blogspot.com//, or work on his next post for Indies Unlimited http://www.indiesunlimited.com/ (a website for the indie author and those who read them). Those times BigAl manages to escape the computer are usually spent hanging out with his four grandchildren.

About these ads

The Vicious Texas Flu, as we’re calling it in my house, has turned everything loose but my voice. I still sound like an adult film star.

I’m totally not kidding. All weekend, I had people standing kinda close giving me the “Come Hither” eyes over this raspy voice of mine. I might have to do a video for y’all before it goes away. It’s turbo-sexy.

So, in honor of me getting back to work and back into my groove, I’ll share the two things that inspired me this week. That’s what Techie Tuesday is all about, you know: helping my peeps.

My #1 piece of inspiration is a teensy bit old.

It’s a post I ran last September with stellar advice from both Chuck Wendig and Maureen Johnson. Her video is so awesome, I’m going to include it again. Y’all need to watch this EVERY time you sit down to do something you’re passionate about.

Dare To Suck!

My #2 piece of inspiration is totally new.

Yesterday, Fae Rowen put up Part 4 of a series that is just flooring me with its useful excellence: Why We (and Our Characters) Fall In Love.

This series talks about attachment styles:

How to recognize your own attachment styles (yes, there’s a quiz to identify yours)

How to build story conflict using your character’s attachment styles

And (SO important) how to reflect various attachment styles in the characters we write

That’s some great stuff. There’s links to all four parts in the URL I put above. Enjoy!

What has inspired you this week? Do YOU “dare to suck” or are you still having a hard time with that part of your creative process? Do you have any other nifty inspirational links to share with us? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

NOTE: Thank you to everyone who commented on the two-part blog by Jane Porter. Congratulations to lrtrovi who’s the winner of Jane’s “goodie bag.”

This is Part Four is a five-part series on the science of why (and how) we fall in love based on a four-day workshop Fae Rowen attended on Attachment Styles. In case you missed any of the information, you can access Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3 by clicking on the links. Part Five (on Monday, June 24) will tie all the styles together and throw in current brain research tips that will help you create characters with believable emotions and actions–characters that your readers are hard-wired to fall in love with.

Today we’ll look at the fourth and final attachment style, the Disoriented/Disorganized Style. Don’t be fooled by the name. Remember that your character’s attachment style results from the parent’s behavior. As an infant and toddler, this child survived interactions with the caregiver that were chaotic, frightening, and disorienting.

This child will run toward, then abruptly run away, from the caregiver. The child needs the parent but, at the same time, feels unsafe with him. S/he may run in circle, fall down for no apparent reason, rock back and forth, hit her head against a wall, exhibit trance-like states, or avert his gaze when the parent returns.

The parent’s communication to the child contains “double binds” like “come here, go away” messages that present the child with an unsolvable problem. They give conflicting signals that make no sense to the child. Communication with a disturbing lack of clarity sets the child up for predictable failure. When the parent is internally triggered into sudden shifts of extreme states without reference to the child’s signals, the child’s world becomes dangerous and confusing.

As a result, the child cannot use the caregiver to soothe, because the caregiver is the source of the fear. Secure Attachment is designed around safety for the child. But when the child experiences physical, emotional or sexual abuse, a dis-attached/disorganized attachment style is developed.

Your Disoriented/Disorganized Attachment character is particularly well-suited as a protagonist in a suspense or mystery. Because of their childhood issues, they are particularly sympathetic to readers even before their entire backstory is revealed. Unfortunately, many readers will personally identify with the adult characteristics of this attachment style.

Unlike the other attachment styles, this character has minimal possibility of the flight or fight response. S/he tends to freeze into trance-like stillness and dissociate as a survival mechanism.

May become aggressive with others or exhibit a controlling style due to danger experienced with out-of-control caregiver

Unsolvable paradoxes lead to overwhelming feelings most of the time

Cannot solve problems

May use the present tense to describe the past

May have prolonged pauses in speech

Has the greatest risk of psychiatric disorders

May experience panic or rage when getting close to another in relationship

Can experience extreme shifts of mood

Easily triggered into frustration, fear, or despair when circumstances are unclear

Inner chaos and turmoil brings a higher level of self-absorption

Wants relationship deeply, but fears relationship will be dangerous

May not experience the feeling of true protection even when it is available

May stay in an abusive or non-supportive relationship because they have not developed “good radar” for danger

Due to the amount of fear from relational trauma, they are easily triggered by partner to set off intense survival urges

Flight/fight urges make it difficult to stay and calmly resolve conflicts using effective skills

May ignore early signals of inappropriate language, touch or behavior and discount any “bad vibes” they have

How can this character heal? It seems not only unlikely, but impossible. Not true. Those with a Disoriented/Disorganized Attachment Style can develop a Secure Attachment Style. The following “repair” messages can be verbally or non-verbally conveyed to build the security necessary for a secure attachment to form.

I am sorry I scared you.

Let’s all calm down and talk.

I will protect you and stand up for you.

I will be your safe haven.

You can trust me to be here for you and to keep you safe from the world.

You can trust me to keep you safe within our relationship.

I will repair the relationship when disruptions happen.

I am paying attention to you and what you need.

Let me give you clear directions.

A competent protector is particularly important to this character, hence the woman-in-danger protected by a Navy Seal or a detective. The black moment will be when your character disbelieves one of the repair messages she’s been given.

Of course, male characters can have this style. They may have developed their “competent protectors” as a child from movies or books or pets. They use clarity to decrease states of confusion. They may be what we’d call “adrenaline junkies” and need danger–or drama– consistently in their lives. Of course, female characters with Disoriented styles can do all of these things, too.

The key is that this character must separate their attachment style from their heightened survival instinct. As their partner assists in this endeavor to return to a Secure Attachment Style, the process of the two of them falling in love will connect with your reader at a much deeper level, because we all know people with this style.

Do you have a character that can be enhanced with this information? How can you use these traits to ramp up your black moment?

Join Fae on Monday, June 24, when she concludes this series. Oh, early next month she’s taking the workshop again to pick up more tips. She’ll be passing those on in Part Five.

About these ads

NOTE: Thank you to everyone who commented on the two-part blog by Jane Porter. lrtrovi is the winner of Jane’s “goodie bag.” Please email me at orly [at] oklopez [dot] com.

This is Part Four is a five-part series on the science of why (and how) we fall in love based on a four-day workshop Fae Rowen attended on Attachment Styles. In case you missed any of the information, you can access Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3 by clicking on the links. Part Five (on Monday, June 24) will tie all the styles together and throw in current brain research tips that will help you create characters with believable emotions and actions–characters that your readers are hard-wired to fall in love with.

Today we’ll look at the fourth and final attachment style, the Disoriented/Disorganized Style. Don’t be fooled by the name. Remember that your character’s attachment style results from the parent’s behavior. As an infant and toddler, this child survived interactions with the caregiver that were chaotic, frightening, and disorienting.

This child will run toward, then abruptly run away, from the caregiver. The child needs the parent but, at the same time, feels unsafe with him. S/he may run in circle, fall down for no apparent reason, rock back and forth, hit her head against a wall, exhibit trance-like states, or avert his gaze when the parent returns.

The parent’s communication to the child contains “double binds” like “come here, go away” messages that present the child with an unsolvable problem. They give conflicting signals that make no sense to the child. Communication with a disturbing lack of clarity sets the child up for predictable failure. When the parent is internally triggered into sudden shifts of extreme states without reference to the child’s signals, the child’s world becomes dangerous and confusing.

As a result, the child cannot use the caregiver to soothe, because the caregiver is the source of the fear. Secure Attachment is designed around safety for the child. But when the child experiences physical, emotional or sexual abuse, a dis-attached/disorganized attachment style is developed.

Your Disoriented/Disorganized Attachment character is particularly well-suited as a protagonist in a suspense or mystery. Because of their childhood issues, they are particularly sympathetic to readers even before their entire backstory is revealed. Unfortunately, many readers will personally identify with the adult characteristics of this attachment style.

Unlike the other attachment styles, this character has minimal possibility of the flight or fight response. S/he tends to freeze into trance-like stillness and dissociate as a survival mechanism.

May become aggressive with others or exhibit a controlling style due to danger experienced with out-of-control caregiver

Unsolvable paradoxes lead to overwhelming feelings most of the time

Cannot solve problems

May use the present tense to describe the past

May have prolonged pauses in speech

Has the greatest risk of psychiatric disorders

May experience panic or rage when getting close to another in relationship

Can experience extreme shifts of mood

Easily triggered into frustration, fear, or despair when circumstances are unclear

Inner chaos and turmoil brings a higher level of self-absorption

Wants relationship deeply, but fears relationship will be dangerous

May not experience the feeling of true protection even when it is available

May stay in an abusive or non-supportive relationship because they have not developed “good radar” for danger

Due to the amount of fear from relational trauma, they are easily triggered by partner to set off intense survival urges

Flight/fight urges make it difficult to stay and calmly resolve conflicts using effective skills

May ignore early signals of inappropriate language, touch or behavior and discount any “bad vibes” they have

How can this character heal? It seems not only unlikely, but impossible. Not true. Those with a Disoriented/Disorganized Attachment Style can develop a Secure Attachment Style. The following “repair” messages can be verbally or non-verbally conveyed to build the security necessary for a secure attachment to form.

I am sorry I scared you.

Let’s all calm down and talk.

I will protect you and stand up for you.

I will be your safe haven.

You can trust me to be here for you and to keep you safe from the world.

You can trust me to keep you safe within our relationship.

I will repair the relationship when disruptions happen.

I am paying attention to you and what you need.

Let me give you clear directions.

A competent protector is particularly important to this character, hence the woman-in-danger protected by a Navy Seal or a detective. The black moment will be when your character disbelieves one of the repair messages she’s been given.

Of course, male characters can have this style. They may have developed their “competent protectors” as a child from movies or books or pets. They use clarity to decrease states of confusion. They may be what we’d call “adrenaline junkies” and need danger–or drama– consistently in their lives. Of course, female characters with Disoriented styles can do all of these things, too.

The key is that this character must separate their attachment style from their heightened survival instinct. As their partner assists in this endeavor to return to a Secure Attachment Style, the process of the two of them falling in love will connect with your reader at a much deeper level, because we all know people with this style.

Do you have a character that can be enhanced with this information? How can you use these traits to ramp up your black moment?

Join Fae on Monday, June 24, when she concludes this series. Oh, early next month she’s taking the workshop again to pick up more tips. She’ll be passing those on in Part Five.

About these ads

Seriously? I SCUBA’d for years and I had no idea I was missing out on all this magic.

The gist of the article:

A new study finds that the ostentatious sea slug, or nudibranch , may take the cake—one species of this marine invertebrate cuts its own penis off after mating and regrows a new reproductive organ within 24 hours, whereupon it’s ready to mate again. (See sea slug pictures.)

Apparently they can do this THREE times in their lifetimes. (Obviously, venereal disease is non-existent in the nudibranch set.)

I mean, look at these handsome devils…

Photo by Jon Aguirre for National Geographic

Who wouldn’t wanna get a piece of that?

I shared this crazy discovery with one of my pals at a party this weekend and the “Detachable Penis” song came up (IYKWIM). I was shocked to discover she’d never heard it, since the words are so clever.

Just in case you’ve never heard it, here it is from King Missile (methinks these boys were fixated on the all things phallic):

And in case you couldn’t deal with the song and just want the lyrics, here they are.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve read this week? How about the kinkiest species in nature? Were you already familiar with this song? What is your favorite part? (Note: I can’t decide between the medicine cabinet and the haggling.) Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

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